Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
