I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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