I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
