Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
