you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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