i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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