U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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