I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
one might say we're banned from that church
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he puts the penis in happiness.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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