she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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