I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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