my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
