Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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