guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
