I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
