The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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