Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize