I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
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She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
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I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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