i just wanna soil my oats bro
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
