I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
