my phone needs a breathalizer
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize