I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
