we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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