Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
