Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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