it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
