Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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