Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
