Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
