I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
