After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
