I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
