dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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