It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
