Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
