I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
