I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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