I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
