She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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