he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
