So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
