the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
