i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
