also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
