They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
