I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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