his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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