Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
