Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
