i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
