My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
