My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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