My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize