I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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