just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
