Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
