His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
