You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
