Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
