He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
