I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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