He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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