Dual....:-)
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
