I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
