I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
