So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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