My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Come on in and take your pants off
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