he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
