I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
