what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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